Join the Wait... What?! Campaign today, and stand up for equal rights!
Did you know your friends can be fired in 29 states, just for being gay? Surprised? So are lots of folks; equal rights are farther from reality than many of us would like to believe.
Today is the annual celebration of National Coming Out Day. Thousands of people across the country are standing up for their gay friends’ rights. You can add your voice by turning astonishment into action.
Through viral sharing on Facebook and Twitter, thousands of new voices will chime in to bring attention to equal rights issues like employment and housing discrimination. The movement has made great strides over the past year, year with the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the passing of the marriage equality bill in New York, but there’s still much more to be done!
Friendfactor Founder Brian Elliot explains the campaign like this:
Not everyone realizes the full extent to which their gay friends are not equal: they can legally be fired and evicted in 29 states just for being gay. In 32 states, there’s zero protection from the law when gay friends are bullied. My straight friends are shocked when they learn these things, and we know other straight friends will be too. We believe there’s a tremendous opportunity to engage these friends and accelerate the pace of change for their gay friends.
With one share on Facebook or Twitter, you can join the team of celebrities — including Adam Lambert, Ke$ha, Cyndi Lauper, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Joan Rivers, Margaret Cho and Wendy Williams — who are standing up.
We’re naming Jesse Tyler Ferguson gay best friend of the summer.
If you love Modern Family (and who doesn’t), surely you love Jesse Tyler Ferguson, gay actor playing a gay dad, as much as I do. That’s one ginger who knows how to make anxiety look fun – a skill your humble correspondent would do well to emulate. JTF is a particular star around Friendfactor HQ for headlining our Best. Wedding Gift. Ever. campaign. His short video helped spread the word about marriage inequality in New York and encouraged everyone who has a stake in the issue – meaning everyone with a gay friend or loved one – to get involved. Plus, he is hilarious!
If you haven’t caught the video yet, I’m a little jealous… you’re about to experience something awesome for the first time, friend.
More on Jesse’s adorable awesomeness and the NY marriage victory after the jump!
Straight from the Burning Questions module of the Friendfactor site, we bring you a real concern from a real friend who seems to be stuck in what might be a sticky situation with a gay or bi buddy. In the spirit of “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” (and this one passes much stricter scrutiny for relevance anyway), we give you the skinny on what your gay friend is probably thinking, and how to clarify an ambiguous situation if necessary.
First things first, we’d all do well to acknowledge that the whole concept of dating is far murkier than it used to be for everybody, gay and straight… thanks a lot, “it’s complicated” relationship status. In all seriousness, without the strict codes of “going steady,” Jane Austen-esq courtships, and glove-slapping duels over ladies’ kerchiefs, it’s often hard to tell if you’re going on a coffee date or a coffee date. This is problematic, whether you’re the sucker sighing over a crush who isn’t picking up signals, or the poor schmuck hoping your friend isn’t looking for something more because you aren’t.
The only difference in this ubiquitous ambiguity when it comes to your gay friends is that if you’re not interested, you’re really not interested, and not looking to be swayed on the matter. You probably want to nip any potential misunderstandings in the bud and get back to the normal business of being pals. Good news: your gay friend almost certainly wants the same thing, and clearing the situation up isn’t as difficult or awkward as you might imagine.
You know your gay friends don’t recruit, plain and simple. And if there’s any doubt in your mind, think through it logically: if you were part of a very small minority looking for a partner like you, would it make sense to waste time chasing somebody who would never be into you, or would you rather spend your efforts wooing a person who would be enthusiastic and happy to be with you? As a straight person, you aren’t your gay friend’s type by definition.
With that worry out of the way, knowing our gay friends aren’t interested in barking up the wrong tree, the only question is how to get the message across that you’re not looking for a night of romance, just a bite to eat. Truth is, this should be easy as pie (like, buying it from Trader Joe’s. Baking from scratch is actually hella difficult, and we’d like to raise a flag about this idiom). Casually mention an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend of the opposite gender in conversation, or if you want to be awesome, bring up how easy Friendfactor makes it for straight folks like you to support your LGBT friends. If it comes to physical contact, your body language will read “not interested” loud and clear; any good friend will respect your boundaries as soon as you make them clear.
(Plus? Your gay friend probably already knows you’re straight. They want to avoid the embarrassment of coming on to an uninterested party as much as you do, and have probably asked around to save you both the awkwardness.)
Bottom line: the social world is a complicated place all around, and we’ve all ended up on the dreaded outing with somebody clearly in possession of very different expectations (or, as they say, feelings). It’s a little weird and can be uncomfortable til everything’s out in the open, but chances are you can trust your gay and bi friends to pick up your no-go signals and carry on with the salad course.
Do you have any burning questions you’re just dying to ask? I do, and they are all about Jennifer Lopez’s workout regimen (which Friendfactor sadly does not have any insider information on. Yet!). If you have burning questions about gay* people though, it can be awkward to ask them. That’s why we have our Burning Questions tool, where straight people can ask questions about gay* people in a non-judgmental environment. Here’s an example question, and some great responses from our Ffriends!
QUESTION: What’s the right reaction when someone tells me they’re gay?
Answer from Andrew Bridges:
If it’s casual, you don’t have to say much of anything other than letting them know you’re a supporter. If they are in the process of coming out and you can tell it was difficult, say something like “I’m glad that you trust me enough to share this. It doesn’t change how much I care about you. And I believe that increased honesty and openness will make us closer friends.”
Or, if you like you don’t read anything over ten characters (in which case why have you gotten so far in this blog post?), an answer from Morgan Britt:
“Cool.”
Check out other burning questions (and more responses to this question) here!
We’re looking for feedback from Friend-setters, and from people who called their senators from our Friend-setter pages. We want you to tell us that the experience was fulfilling, that our tools are cutting-edge, and that you find yourself oddly attracted to everyone who works in our offices.
Just kidding! We want really honest feedback from you, so we can improve our tools without scrapping the parts that already work. The surveys are short, and your responses mean a lot to us.
Tell us what you think of our Friend-setter pages here.
Let us know what you think of our click-to-call tool here.
Thanks for participating—and thanks to everyone who helped win the freedom to marry for our gay friends in New York!
Quick announcement: Thanks to everyone who entered our Best. Wedding Gift. Ever. raffle! It’s one of those rare raffles that everyone kind of wins, since all of our gay* friends in New York now have the freedom to marry the person they love! Success all around.
There’s only one blender autographed by Jesse Tyler Ferguson, though, so the winningest winner of all—the person who gets to blend with it!—is Jason Hatton from upstate New York. Jason plans to celebrate the New York marriage victory by going to a Pat Benatar concert with his mother and a friend—and also by making smoothies in his new blender! His favorites are “mango or maybe strawberry flavored.”
Congratulations to Jason, and to New York! Keep the NYC momentum going by signing our Liberty Pledge here.
And if you want to watch the Best. Wedding Gift. Ever. video again (and again and again!), here it is:
Since the freedom to marry bill passed in New York, the state’s freedom index for gay, lesbian, and bisexual people has risen from 67% to 70%; for transgender people, it has risen from 50% to 53%. This is great news—three percent is nothing to scoff at. Imagine if 3% of a house fell on you–very uncomfortable, and suggestive of shoddy construction!
Despite New York’s new freedom index, though, there is a ton of work left to do before our gay* friends have the same rights straight people do. Learn more by exploring our Freedom Index page.
You can also sign our Liberty Pledge here and promise to help your gay* friends win the freedom to marry!
And, to close on a mostly unrelated note, here is the Daily Show segment on New York Pride. Everyone is so patient with the interviewer guy (who is apparently also in Book of Mormon?) that it is actually touching as well as funny:
Universal experience: the elephant in the room. Or if you prefer, the 800 pound gorilla. Either way, we’ve all found ourselves shooting the breeze or sharing drinks with friends when suddenly there’s a large figurative mammal silently glaring from the corner, because sometimes straight folks just don’t know what to do with a legitimate curiosity about what it’s like to be gay, or the best way to interact with their gay friends. If there’s one thing we’ve all learned from the Discovery Channel, it’s that wild things can be temporarily tamed, but never forget their feral roots. Which is why those trundling truth-animals tend to demand attention after a few drinks, when we as humans are at our least civilized… which is to say, at our most honest. And if you’re gay* and out with straight friends, that means you’re about to encounter some uncomfortable questions about your sex-life, relationships, and who Jodi Foster thinks she’s fooling at this point. All fair questions, but not the most comfortable conversations. (Believe us, we’ve had them.)
At Friendfactor, we believe in equality: no elephants or gorillas should be left unacknowledged or lonely just because dealing with them is difficult. Sometimes the King Kong at your kitchen table is the question, “Are bi people really just promiscuous?”, or maybe you’ve seen Dumbo stumbling into the dive bar voicing earnest confusing about who pays for a first date between two dudes . No matter the content of the query, straight people deserve answers. And gay people deserve help wrangling those very heavy animals, now that we’ve all conceded that they exist and often stand in the way of friends having a full understanding of each other’s lives.
That’s why we created Burning Questions, the latest educational tool on the Friendfactor site. To free the great apes. Or, if you’ll excuse our abandonment of this mammalian metaphor, to give straight friends a safe space to ask for help understanding basic, if personal, aspects of their gay friends’ lives, and to give gay friends the opportunity to respond honestly. That is, without the pressure of being put on the spot at three in the morning.
The only stupid question is one that goes unasked. We’ve got a small army of gay advocates and allies at the ready to answer the Burning Questions that you just haven’t figured out how to ask in person. Visit the page to look and learn, or to join the conversation. Ask, answer, and share your new-found knowledge on Facebook so other friends can hop on the enlightenment train too.
Because curiosity never killed a cat, but we bet an elephant could.
First time calling a legislator, that is. We unfortunately don’t have the authority to make promises about any other way you read that title.
If you’ve already been over to www.MarylandPop.org and used our click-to-call tool to support your gay* friends in the first state South of the Mason-Dickson, you know how easy we’ve made it. There are talking points. There are graphics. There is even a script. But Friendfactor has a strict No Judgment policy (with some fashion-related exceptions): getting in touch with an elected official for the first time is a big step, and we want to make sure you’re intellectually and emotionally prepared. In fact, we want it to be special.
That’s why we’ve added this video to the arsenal of “making our friends comfortable” tools. Friendfactor’s own Dinah is right here on your computer screen to demonstrate how easy and painless these calls are. And look at the time-stamp: two minutes. That’s probably less of a time commitment than a level of Angry Birds, and less frustrating for sure.
See, everything’s fine! Just that simple. If you’ve got shy friends who haven’t made the great leap yet, let them know we’ve made it even easier – you can watch a phone call start to finish, click of mouse to click of “End” button, before making one yourself. Bonus: we think the chick in this clip is pretty easy on the eyes, and that always makes the first time better.
SB 116 doesn’t sound sexy. But it is. It’s the name of the senate bill that — if passed — will bring Marylanders one step closer to marriage equality. That means your gay* friends in the Old Line State will be able to marry the people they love. And it doesn’t get sexier than that.
The committee vote on SB 116 happens in a week, so we need to act fast.
If you do live in Maryland, go to www.marylandpop.org and enter your information. We’ll connect you with your representative — and even tell you the single sentence to say to the office staff (or answering machine). It’s easy, and most elected officials don’t bite. We’ve only lost a few fingers.
After you place your call, spread word about www.marylandpop.org far and wide. Post it on your Facebook, tweet it or email it to family and friends — there are even sample emails and posts at the link.
If you don’t live in Maryland, we bet you know someone that does. Send them a link to www.marylandpop.org so that they can make it happen! Post it on Facebook so that kid you haven’t thought about since middle school can spread the word too! Who says MD is for crabs? Your friends can dedicate their calls to you, for which they will receive major kudos.
Friends don’t let friends get treated as second class citizens. Pop the question today at www.marylandpop.org.
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