Four tips to make your gay friends feel comfortable at your wedding

A wedding is about the bride and groom (we’ll call them “Romeo and Juliet”) and they should be the center of the attention. But bringing my same sex “Plus One” (we’ll call her “Gorgeous”) to a wedding raises all kinds of self-conscious anxieties about the best way to throw rice, rock the open bar and do the chicken dance the way Romeo and Juliet imagined. Throwing a gay-friendly wedding extravaganza should be simple, but can certainly seem sticky at times.

Weddings are a special day, and I worry that just by being there, my girlfriend and I will be perceived as making a political statement. I don’t want to do that. I just want to go to my friends’ wedding and cheer them on as they stuff cake in each other’s faces like any other couple.

So, without further ado, here are 3 simple sound-bites for the Brides and Grooms who might want to go the extra mile to make their gay friends feel welcome on their big day:

The Invitation

• When possible, it’s great to write your friend’s partner’s name on the envelope. This might not be Emily Post’s standard, but if you’re comfortable with it, embrace it.
• If you do feel more comfortable with an “and guest” on the invite, perhaps casually say “Hey! Romeo and I would be so excited if you and Gorgeous can make it!”

Either way, you’ll reassure your friend that “Yes, you meant THAT guest.”

More tips below the jump!

What (Not?) to Wear

One of my friends recently asked me “Is Gorgeous going to get a tie to match your dress?” She rocks. She was saying to me “Romeo and I are totally cool with Gorgeous wearing her normal formal (blingity bling!) attire. Such a relief! (Especially since she doesn’t own a dress!) Thank you, friend.

Dance 101

Gorgeous and I love to dance. When we go to weddings, we’re the first ones on the floor for Busta Move, but cue up some Lionel Richie and we immediately give each other the eyebrow. Is it okay for us to slow dance? We don’t want to embarrass Juliet in front of her Grandma!

A quick way for Juliet to let us know her thoughts on this before the big day:

“Just so you know, my family’s never had a gay couple at a wedding before, so there might be some looks. That said, Romeo and I want you to feel totally comfortable and welcome, so just have fun- we’re glad you guys can make it!”

Phew. The bride and groom want us to be ourselves and have fun so that’s what we should do. Done and done.

Let me be clear, Romeo and Juliet’s responsibility is not to coddle to their gay friends like Gorgeous and me. By inviting me with a guest, they ARE saying, “I want you AND your partner to come, be yourselves, and take great pictures.” Awesome. So, my dearest star-crossed lovers, sit back, enjoy planning your wedding, and get on to more important issues: like cake-testing!

Take Action: Tell us what you did to make gay couples feel comfortable at your wedding, or another you’ve been to! Let’s build up a marvelous list of ways to be mad-considerate about marriages — a gay-friendly wedding is a fierce wedding.

Curious about where your gay friends can get married themselves? Check out the Freedom Index Map for more info.