Posted: August 31st, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 1 Comment »
Dress codes: the bane of every teenager’s existence. There’s a clear line, though, between making sure midriffs are covered and stifling freedom of speech, which students in this country are still entitled to a certain modicum of. So why would school officials prevent a student from wearing a shirt that appropriately covered all necessary skin? Why, because it was a supportive, pro-gay T-shirt, of course.
Sara Couvillon in her "gay? fine by me." shirt, courtesy of The Birmingham News
The warning comes after a 15-year-old student, Sara Couvillon, was told this month she couldn’t wear a T-shirt that read, “Gay? fine by me.”
According to the SPLC, school officials told Sara they were concerned for her safety, but Sara said she did not experience threats of violence, nor did school officials confirm there had been threats. The teen had routinely worn the T-shirt during the last school year without incident.
SPLC lawyers say students shouldn’t be prevented from expressing acceptance of lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender people.
(The Birmingham News)
The Southern Poverty Law Center has sent a letter to the high school demanding that this censorship end, and threatening a Federal lawsuit if it doesn’t. Schools do have a legitimate interest in controlling clothes that put the wearer in danger — gang colors come to mind — but by Couvillon’s own statement she never felt threatened for sporting the supportive shirt.
Censorship like this serves one purpose, and one purpose only: to perpetuate the culture of fear and malice that keeps gay youth in the closet, or worse. Couvillon deserves a standing ovation for her public statement of support, and with any luck this Alabama school will learn a lesson about tolerance (and keeping the district out of court).
Take Action: Tell us about your public acts of support, large and small — maybe it’s time to buy your own t-shirt and wear it proudly in solidarity!
Posted: August 30th, 2011 | Author: Jason | 3 Comments »
Friendfactor couldn’t exist if there weren’t thousands of people out there thinking the first half of that sentence: I want to support my gay friends. Time and time again, though, I’ve had friends tell me the biggest barrier to getting involved is the fear of “doing it wrong.” They’re worried about saying something a gay or trans friend will find insensitive, or about fighting my battles for me when they shouldn’t. They don’t speak up because they don’t want to accidentally offend gay people. The ironic thing is, all these anxieties stem from the strength of their desire to help me out – and that desire is what counts.
In short, expressing support in any way is better than not expressing it at all. I totally understand the nervousness my friends describe – it’s hard to keep up with what’s politically correct, and I don’t expect them to become queer theory scholars just to hang out with me. What I wouldn’t want is for anyone to let the fear of saying something slightly wrong keep them silent when it matters.
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Posted: August 30th, 2011 | Author: Friendfactor | 2 Comments »
A wedding is about the bride and groom (we’ll call them “Romeo and Juliet”) and they should be the center of the attention. But bringing my same sex “Plus One” (we’ll call her “Gorgeous”) to a wedding raises all kinds of self-conscious anxieties about the best way to throw rice, rock the open bar and do the chicken dance the way Romeo and Juliet imagined. Throwing a gay-friendly wedding extravaganza should be simple, but can certainly seem sticky at times.
Weddings are a special day, and I worry that just by being there, my girlfriend and I will be perceived as making a political statement. I don’t want to do that. I just want to go to my friends’ wedding and cheer them on as they stuff cake in each other’s faces like any other couple.
So, without further ado, here are 3 simple sound-bites for the Brides and Grooms who might want to go the extra mile to make their gay friends feel welcome on their big day:
The Invitation
- When possible, it’s great to write your friend’s partner’s name on the envelope. This might not be Emily Post’s standard, but if you’re comfortable with it, embrace it.
- If you do feel more comfortable with an “and guest” on the invite, perhaps casually say “Hey! Romeo and I would be so excited if you and Gorgeous can make it!”
Either way, you’ll reassure your friend that “Yes, you meant THAT guest.”
More tips below the jump!
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Posted: August 24th, 2011 | Author: Dinah | No Comments »
You certainly don’t have to have a prime-time standup special to help your friends win full legal freedoms… but it doesn’t hurt! On the two-month anniversary of New York legalizing marriage for gay couples, we wanted to give a shout out of sincere thanks to the comediennes and other inspiring stars who encouraged fans and friends to call legislators in the name of love.
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Posted: August 23rd, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 18 Comments »
Straight from Friendfactor's Burning Questions...
Don’t panic! If your friend is coming out to you, you’re a person to be trusted. They wouldn’t be telling you something this personal (and, in many cases, difficult) if they didn’t believe you’d handle it like a good friend. So trust your friend’s instincts: you’re gonna do great!
Here’s a cheat sheet of Do’s and Don’ts for when your friend comes out:
The Do’s
Tip 1: There’s no one right way to respond. Trust your gut and what you know about how this friendship works – coming out never happens the same way twice, so handle it your way.
Tip 2: Figure out what your friend needs now. The particulars of the reasons and way your friend is coming out will dictate your response more than anything else. For example:
- A friend who’s excited to show off his new relationship wants you to be excited for him, so ask all about it and celebrate! But,
- A friend who comes to you upset because her parents aren’t supportive needs comfort more than anything. Let her know you’re still there for her, no matter what.
Your friend coming out is just like any other thing you go through together; gauge how you can best be there for them, what they need, and how you can provide it.
Tip 3: Voice your support loud and clear. More than anything your friend probably just needs to know you guys are still cool. No matter what else is racing through your brain (and all of that is ok), let your friend know you want them to be happy and aren’t going anywhere.
The Don’ts
Tip 1: Don’t ignore the situation. Coming out is a hard thing to do, and glazing over what your friend has told you is a lousy way to acknowledge that. This may seem like a good idea because you’re totally cool with it and don’t think it’s a big deal, but it’s important to let your friend know you heard them and actively voice support.
Tip 2: Don’t laugh it off if your friend is being serious. Having a friend come out can be uncomfortable, and laughing through it is a pretty common way of handling awkward situations. Keep it in check: your friend has it harder than you do right now and is almost certainly more uncomfortable.
Tip 3: Don’t doubt. Your friend absolutely knows best in this case. It probably wasn’t easy coming to grips with who they are; don’t ask if they’re sure or tell them they’re just confused. Simply let them know you support them.
More crucial tips after the jump!
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Posted: July 25th, 2011 | Author: Friendfactor | 1 Comment »
Far be it from us to objectify anyone: man, woman, gay, straight, or other in any of those categories, but this feature on Out.com really leaves no wiggle room on the matter: athletes who stand up for their gay friends are hot.
People who speak up for their gay friends are attractive.
Pictured: Ben Cohen, Hudson Taylor, Michael Irvin, Mike Chabala, and Nick Youngquest. Click through to read more about what these rad athletes are doing for their gay friends!
The world of sports has unfortunately been notoriously rough territory for LGBT folks — whether it’s Kobe Bryant slinging anti-gay slurs during a Laker’s game or the seemingly never-ending inappropriate public referendum on South African runner Caster Semenya‘s gender, major players both inside and outside the game have a tendency to make big-league competition an uncomfortable space for anyone perceived as outside the “norm” of heterosexuality. Women athletes take a lot of heat in the form of “accusation,” constantly having their sexuality questioned for enjoying traditionally “manly” pursuits in sports, especially if they’re any good. For men, you’ll more often see players throw around derogatory terms for a ref after a bad call or using homophobic language to goad opponents, furthering the linguistic barb that “gay = bad” more than actually trying to out peers.
In any case, the five men profiled by Out Magazine are taking a stand not only for their gay teammates, but to encourage a huge shift in the world of sports to make it a safe and accepting environment for LGBT players and fans. In a universe where those who stand up for gay friends are likely to be labeled gay themselves, which is still a major career liability, these guys are truly going above and beyond to show what friendship means. And Out is buying them sexy outfits and taking nice pictures of’em for their troubles. Right on.
While these guys are high-profile athletes in super dudely realms like wrestling and rugby, it doesn’t take a spot in the limelight to make a difference — even making it clear that your gay friends are welcome on the JV team or after-work kickball league can mean the world. When a straight friend stands up to say it’s stupid to make a fuss over sharing locker-rooms or calls out another player for using anti-gay language, other people listen: you don’t have a stake besides caring about your friends, and that makes your voice incredibly powerful.
And (sorry, we have to say it) what’s more attractive than power, especially when it’s used to be a great friend? We don’t have stats on this, but we would put money on potential dates of whatever gender taking notice of your efforts in the best way.
For goodness sake, look at those five dudes! Think they’re hurting for Saturday night plans??
Have you ever encountered a hostile environment for LGBT friends on the field? Did you do anything about it? Think we’re seeing things get better or worse in the world of professional sports? Have at it in the comments!
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