Posted: October 11th, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 1 Comment »
Join the Wait... What?! Campaign today, and stand up for equal rights!
Did you know your friends can be fired in 29 states, just for being gay? Surprised? So are lots of folks; equal rights are farther from reality than many of us would like to believe.
Today is the annual celebration of National Coming Out Day. Thousands of people across the country are standing up for their gay friends’ rights. You can add your voice by turning astonishment into action.
Join the Wait…What?! social media campaign to learn some surprising facts and let your friends know that you support them.
Through viral sharing on Facebook and Twitter, thousands of new voices will chime in to bring attention to equal rights issues like employment and housing discrimination. The movement has made great strides over the past year, year with the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the passing of the marriage equality bill in New York, but there’s still much more to be done!
Friendfactor Founder Brian Elliot explains the campaign like this:
Not everyone realizes the full extent to which their gay friends are not equal: they can legally be fired and evicted in 29 states just for being gay. In 32 states, there’s zero protection from the law when gay friends are bullied. My straight friends are shocked when they learn these things, and we know other straight friends will be too. We believe there’s a tremendous opportunity to engage these friends and accelerate the pace of change for their gay friends.
With one share on Facebook or Twitter, you can join the team of celebrities — including Adam Lambert, Ke$ha, Cyndi Lauper, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Joan Rivers, Margaret Cho and Wendy Williams — who are standing up.
Take Action: Join the campaign and share a surprising fact to stand up for your gay friends. The more eyes we can get on these facts, the faster we can fix what’s broken.
Posted: October 10th, 2011 | Author: Friendfactor | 3 Comments »
Many thanks to our very first Guest-Blogger!
Sarah Powers is a freelance writer and mom of two. She lives in Arizona and blogs at Powers of Mine.
One of the objectives behind this here Friendfactor blog is to help straight friends of gay folks lighten up a little. Don’t worry about not knowing what to say or asking a silly question. Just say something, or go ahead and ask, and if it’s done in the spirit of friendship, it’s all good.
Usually well-meaning adults have these kinds of hang-ups in the first place because we’re worried either about hurting someone’s feelings or about looking stupid ourselves. But if there is one demographic who I can promise you does not give a crap about looking silly or making someone else uncomfortable, it’s KIDS.
Show me a preschooler and I’ll show you at least one parent who has experienced the agony of loudly stated observations like, “Mommy! That lady has a baby in her tummy!” (when ‘that lady’ is a stout 55-year-old) or “Hey! Is that guy a football player?” (because he happens to be black) or “Is that a man or a lady?” (and you’re not actually sure of the answer yourself).
As a parent in these moments, it’s easy to want to shove the nearest handful of goldfish crackers into the mouth of your precious offspring. I believe, though, that while doing so saves on a little short-term embarrassment, it also deprives both child and parent of a valuable opportunity for discussion.
Here are some ideas for parents and friends of curious little minds on how to answer kids’ questions about gay friends and family members (or just your average same-sex couple holding hands on the street):
- Make it okay to ask. Always. No matter how inappropriate or embarrassing the comment or question (Hey! That lady is dressed like Daddy but she has huge boobs!), answer it. Yep! Isn’t it cool how men and women have so many choices about how they dress and who they hang out with?
- Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: October 4th, 2011 | Author: Dinah | No Comments »
Not just for unattended luggage.
If you’re trying to figure out what to do when a co-worker tells inappropriate gay jokes at your office, the first thing you should know is that you’re not alone: 58% of gay people report hearing these things at work. Whether you hear someone directly disparaging another person because of their sexuality, or work someplace where phrases like “that’s so gay” are used to mean something is bad, you’re working in a hostile environment. Comments like that are a big reason why 51% of gay and trans folks aren’t out at work: it doesn’t feel safe. But you can help.
Anyone can take steps to discourage harmful behavior like this, and good friends like you do. These gay jokes are really no different than someone making derogatory remarks about race; you’d want a friend to stand with you in a situation like this, too.
Here are some tips on what you can do when you hear co-workers making gay jokes:
- Say something. The moment you can make the biggest difference is right when you hear the offensive comment being made. Make it clear to your co-worker that their language is hurtful and would make a gay person feel uncomfortable, and that it isn’t ok. Or simply state that what was said isn’t appropriate in a work setting.
- Get in touch with HR. Although 29 states lack workplace protection for gay folks, your company probably has an anti-discrimination policy. Even if there’s nothing in writing that specifically addresses homophobic comments, your boss or HR department has an interest in making the company a safe place for all employees. Especially if you’re not comfortable saying something to the jokester yourself, this is a great way to make sure the incident doesn’t go unaddressed.
- Let your gay co-workers know you have their backs. Regardless of what you’re able to say in the moment or get the company to do to address the issue, it makes a big difference for the gay folks in the office to know someone else heard what happens and wants things to change. If you’ve taken any action, tell them, and in any case make it clear that you’re there if they ever need back-up.
- Make a bad situation into a learning opportunity. Your co-worker who made the joke probably deserves the benefit of the doubt; they might not know or understand why what they said was hurtful. Explain that calling something “gay” when they mean “bad” implies that gay IS bad, and how that must make gay folks in the office feel. Let them know that what they may have thought was good-natured teasing can actually be very hurtful to someone; it’s not fair to pick on anyone just because of who they are.
Straight friends have the ability to make a huge difference in situations like these. If you can call your peers out, it makes a powerful statement that gay jokes aren’t just an issue for gay people: they’re an issue for anyone who cares about a gay person. Anything you can do makes your workplace feel that much safer for gay employees, whether they’re out at work or not.
Take Action: “Like” and share this post so all your friends will know what they can do if they ever hear a gay joke at work. Together we can make the world a safer place for our gay friends.
Posted: September 30th, 2011 | Author: Dinah | No Comments »
The Friendfactor blog may have been quiet this week, but the world of gay news certainly was not! (We promise, the radio silence will be worth it… keep an ear out in early October… ) Here’s your weekly cheat-sheet to catch you up for the weekend. In this edition: mostly stuff about TV. But lots of different kinds of TV!
Sports fans with gay friends can do a mighty big wave for this story: The NFL has added language to their anti-discrimination policy to protect folks from harassment based on sexual orientation! The league has made the move quietly, slipping the new protection in with the slew of other changes that came at the end of a collective bargaining marathon in the past few weeks. Homophobia in sports is, unfortunately, a pretty widespread problem. So we’re glad to see such an influential group taking steps to say it won’t be tolerated. Did you know there are currently no out, gay professional athletes in football, basketball, hockey or baseball in the US? Maybe this move will change things.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: September 22nd, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 2 Comments »
Jamey Rodemeyer, victim of gay teen suicide
We see all too many stories of gay teen suicide cases in the news. This one is particularly horrifying. Jamey Rodemeyer was only 14 years old when he took his own life this week, after being relentlessly bullied for who he was. His story is all the more tragic because his struggle with this issue was so public: he wrote regularly on his blog about other students teasing him for having girls as friends, and even made a video for the It Gets Better Project (you can watch it here).
It feels like once these stories hit the news it’s too late to do anything; a life has been lost to bullying, and there’s no way to bring it back. But a bunch of big players are banding together to fight gay teen suicide. They’re calling it “The Stop Bullying: Speak Up Social Pledge App.” A bit of a mouthful, yes, but also a way to for you to join a movement to prevent more tragedies like losing Jamey:
The Stop Bullying: Speak Up Social Pledge App is an interactive tool that enables educators, parents and teachers to commit to end bullying by signing an online pledge and recruiting others to join them.
Leveraging the resources of [Facebook and Time Warner], the social pledge app will be promoted across multiple platforms, from Facebook to CNN, Cartoon Network, and magazines such as TIME and Sports Illustrated.
The app is meant to be a one-stop resource with practical information about bullying prevention, with recommendations on how to respond in specific situations along with opportunities to share personal experiences, and information from non-profits and government groups involved in the cause. The app also encourages the creation of school-based bullying prevention groups on Facebook.
While the hope is that young people will download the app, the online tool is also targeted at bystanders–those who witness an act of bullying.
(via AllFacebook.com)
Kudos to the celebs and companies who are throwing their efforts into this, and let’s hope it helps. Still, it’s going to take a lot more than a well-branded app to change hearts and minds across the country so kids like Jamey feel accepted. Ending gay teen suicide will take a massive effort from all of us; this could be the start of that effort, truly.
Take Action: “Like” the Facebook page for this app now, and keep an eye on the Friendfactor blog: we’ll keep you updated on this, and other initiatives to prevent gay teen suicide.
Posted: September 13th, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 1 Comment »
Being a friend means not staying silent when somebody’s treating your friends badly. That’s why we’ve launched a petition on Change.org: so you can tell the Sizzler that discrimination and violence against gay customers won’t fly on your watch.
Add your name now.
The full story is in the petition, but here’s an excerpt that’ll send shivers down the spine of anyone who enjoys the occasional meal out with gay friends:
Imagine being out to brunch with a few pals. So far so good, right? Until, the manager aggressively approaches your friend, yelling and accusing her of not paying for brunch.
Screaming, the manager violently shoves your friend. He calls her a f***ing d*ke. An angry mob of patrons joins in, relentlessly attacking your friend with homophobic and hate-filled language, even threatening her with sexual assault. Finally the police arrive and your friend is taken, bruised and battered, by ambulance to a nearby hospital.
Take action now to help make it right.
It’s unthinkable, but true. This is what happened to Liza Friedlander at the Sizzler in Queens, and it could happen to you and your gay, lesbian, bi, or transgender friends. Lambda Legal has taken up Liza’s case, and now’s our chance to make a public showing that we all think this sort of treatment is unacceptable.
This isn’t an abstract political argument about why gay Americans should have full freedom from violence and fear of bias crimes. This is a real story that happened to someone’s real friend. This is why we all need to stand together and denounce this behavior and the lack of corporate response: we still live in a world where this can happen to our friends.
Be a friend: Add your voice.
Send a powerful message that it’s not just gay people who care about discrimination and assault – we all do. You can make a difference today by demanding that the management at Sizzler provides better training on anti-discrimination policies, gets serious about enforcement, and speaks out against discrimination and violence toward customers. Gay assault is assault, period.
Take Action: After you sign the petition yourself, share it or this blog posts with as many friends as you can. If we can reach our goal of 5,000 signatures, we’ll be letting Liza and all our gay friends know we have their backs when it gets tough. We can hold this corporation accountable and make the world a little safer for everyone.
Posted: September 12th, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 1 Comment »
As we discussed last week, marriage for gay couples is an incredibly important issue in the gay rights movement in the USA. Not only does marriage confer more than 1,100 rights and protections, it allows our gay friends to participate fully in one of the most recognizable and important ceremonies in our adult lives. You have an opportunity to make a difference for North Carolina gay marriage laws, today.
Chris Hughes, the co-founder of Facebook, has joined with his fiancé Sean Eldridge in pledging to donate $10 for every person who “likes” Equality NC’s Facebook page by Tuesday, up to $10k.
"Like" Equality NC to protect North Carolina gay marriage laws now!
The money will go to help Equality NC fight the marriage amendment, which [Hughes] says “is bad for business, bad for the perception of my home state on the national stage, and a far cry from job-creating legislation that North Carolina lawmakers should be focused on.”
Hughes’ letter says he knows what it’s like to grow up different in a small Southern town and that this legislation “will only perpetuate this stigma for a new generation of creative, talented youth, uninterested in second-class citizenship in a state they call home.
(via NewsObserver.com)
As The New York Times notes, NC is the lone standout in the Southeast without a constitutional ban on marriage for gay couples. In reality, the constitutional ban would only truly server as salt in a wound — state law already prohibits North Carolina gay marriage. Taking it to the constitutional level only further solidifies the legislating of discrimination. The state is widely considered more gay-friendly than others in the region, leading activists in the area to bring particularly vocal opposition to the proposed ban.
Take Action: “Like” Equality NC’s Facebook page now, and share this article so your friends can do the same. We only have til Tuesday, and a few seconds of your time can make a real difference for friends in North Carolina.
Posted: August 23rd, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 18 Comments »
Straight from Friendfactor's Burning Questions...
Don’t panic! If your friend is coming out to you, you’re a person to be trusted. They wouldn’t be telling you something this personal (and, in many cases, difficult) if they didn’t believe you’d handle it like a good friend. So trust your friend’s instincts: you’re gonna do great!
Here’s a cheat sheet of Do’s and Don’ts for when your friend comes out:
The Do’s
Tip 1: There’s no one right way to respond. Trust your gut and what you know about how this friendship works – coming out never happens the same way twice, so handle it your way.
Tip 2: Figure out what your friend needs now. The particulars of the reasons and way your friend is coming out will dictate your response more than anything else. For example:
- A friend who’s excited to show off his new relationship wants you to be excited for him, so ask all about it and celebrate! But,
- A friend who comes to you upset because her parents aren’t supportive needs comfort more than anything. Let her know you’re still there for her, no matter what.
Your friend coming out is just like any other thing you go through together; gauge how you can best be there for them, what they need, and how you can provide it.
Tip 3: Voice your support loud and clear. More than anything your friend probably just needs to know you guys are still cool. No matter what else is racing through your brain (and all of that is ok), let your friend know you want them to be happy and aren’t going anywhere.
The Don’ts
Tip 1: Don’t ignore the situation. Coming out is a hard thing to do, and glazing over what your friend has told you is a lousy way to acknowledge that. This may seem like a good idea because you’re totally cool with it and don’t think it’s a big deal, but it’s important to let your friend know you heard them and actively voice support.
Tip 2: Don’t laugh it off if your friend is being serious. Having a friend come out can be uncomfortable, and laughing through it is a pretty common way of handling awkward situations. Keep it in check: your friend has it harder than you do right now and is almost certainly more uncomfortable.
Tip 3: Don’t doubt. Your friend absolutely knows best in this case. It probably wasn’t easy coming to grips with who they are; don’t ask if they’re sure or tell them they’re just confused. Simply let them know you support them.
More crucial tips after the jump!
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: July 13th, 2011 | Author: Friendfactor | 1 Comment »
During the great New York marriage debate of aught-leven (working on it), you may have noticed a relatively new breed of op-eds voicing support for marriage equality: the economists. Forget about freedom, love, all *ahem* men being created equal… there’s a dollars and cents argument to be made for expanding the wedding industry in your state. In a piece criticizing this trend run in the New York Times, Jaye Cee Whitehead writes:
States and cities are, as the New York executives pointed out, competing to attract talent in a globally competitive labor market. The wedding industry benefits, of course, when more couples are allowed to marry. And marriage equality is associated with revenue gains from sales taxes and license fees. Backers of gay marriage speak openly of the gains from “marriage tourism” in states that have legalized same-sex marriage.
The amount of money involved is not pocket change: the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law at the University of California, Los Angeles, puts the economic gain in Massachusetts alone at $111 million in the five years since same-sex marriage was legalized there. The bipartisan Congressional Budget Office estimates that the legalization of same-sex marriage in all 50 states would yield $1 billion in annual revenue over a 10-year period.
If you calculate those millions of dollars in pizzas (as we in the Friendfactor office sometimes like to do when struggling to conceptualize large sums of money)… legalizing the freedom to marry would allow for the purchase of many, many pizzas by New Yorkers. Is that the best argument for equality? Debatable. Would it hurt NY to attract that business/money/pizzas? Our position is a staunch “no.”
There’s a great story out of the Pam’s House Blend blog today that’s got us thinking about how we can all make daily decisions to support our gay* friends. Oyster.com recently ran a blog post recommending hotels for out of town couples coming to the Big Apple to tie the gay knot, as it were, and included a hotel owned by the notoriously homophobic Donald Trump (and if you think the hair is coincidental to the fact that The Donald doesn’t respect the gay folks in his life, you’ve got another thing coming). Pam petitioned Oyster to remove the Trump property from their list, and within the week they’d done just that.
A job very well done, but we say let’s take it a step further. With the wealth of independent businesses here in New York and around the country, I see no reason that my money should ever support people who don’t support my LGBT friends. It’s not always easy to know who the offenders are — who’d have thought the barnyard traitorous Chick-fil-A cows were also lousy Ffriends? — but if we can make a habit of spending with gay-friendly businesses instead of the other guys, we may just find that dollars speak louder than words.
Are there products or businesses you try to avoid (or seek out!) because you support your gay* friends? Share the knowledge in the comments!
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