Posted: October 10th, 2011 | Author: Friendfactor | 3 Comments »
Many thanks to our very first Guest-Blogger!
Sarah Powers is a freelance writer and mom of two. She lives in Arizona and blogs at Powers of Mine.
One of the objectives behind this here Friendfactor blog is to help straight friends of gay folks lighten up a little. Don’t worry about not knowing what to say or asking a silly question. Just say something, or go ahead and ask, and if it’s done in the spirit of friendship, it’s all good.
Usually well-meaning adults have these kinds of hang-ups in the first place because we’re worried either about hurting someone’s feelings or about looking stupid ourselves. But if there is one demographic who I can promise you does not give a crap about looking silly or making someone else uncomfortable, it’s KIDS.
Show me a preschooler and I’ll show you at least one parent who has experienced the agony of loudly stated observations like, “Mommy! That lady has a baby in her tummy!” (when ‘that lady’ is a stout 55-year-old) or “Hey! Is that guy a football player?” (because he happens to be black) or “Is that a man or a lady?” (and you’re not actually sure of the answer yourself).
As a parent in these moments, it’s easy to want to shove the nearest handful of goldfish crackers into the mouth of your precious offspring. I believe, though, that while doing so saves on a little short-term embarrassment, it also deprives both child and parent of a valuable opportunity for discussion.
Here are some ideas for parents and friends of curious little minds on how to answer kids’ questions about gay friends and family members (or just your average same-sex couple holding hands on the street):
- Make it okay to ask. Always. No matter how inappropriate or embarrassing the comment or question (Hey! That lady is dressed like Daddy but she has huge boobs!), answer it. Yep! Isn’t it cool how men and women have so many choices about how they dress and who they hang out with?
- Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: October 4th, 2011 | Author: Dinah | No Comments »
Not just for unattended luggage.
If you’re trying to figure out what to do when a co-worker tells inappropriate gay jokes at your office, the first thing you should know is that you’re not alone: 58% of gay people report hearing these things at work. Whether you hear someone directly disparaging another person because of their sexuality, or work someplace where phrases like “that’s so gay” are used to mean something is bad, you’re working in a hostile environment. Comments like that are a big reason why 51% of gay and trans folks aren’t out at work: it doesn’t feel safe. But you can help.
Anyone can take steps to discourage harmful behavior like this, and good friends like you do. These gay jokes are really no different than someone making derogatory remarks about race; you’d want a friend to stand with you in a situation like this, too.
Here are some tips on what you can do when you hear co-workers making gay jokes:
- Say something. The moment you can make the biggest difference is right when you hear the offensive comment being made. Make it clear to your co-worker that their language is hurtful and would make a gay person feel uncomfortable, and that it isn’t ok. Or simply state that what was said isn’t appropriate in a work setting.
- Get in touch with HR. Although 29 states lack workplace protection for gay folks, your company probably has an anti-discrimination policy. Even if there’s nothing in writing that specifically addresses homophobic comments, your boss or HR department has an interest in making the company a safe place for all employees. Especially if you’re not comfortable saying something to the jokester yourself, this is a great way to make sure the incident doesn’t go unaddressed.
- Let your gay co-workers know you have their backs. Regardless of what you’re able to say in the moment or get the company to do to address the issue, it makes a big difference for the gay folks in the office to know someone else heard what happens and wants things to change. If you’ve taken any action, tell them, and in any case make it clear that you’re there if they ever need back-up.
- Make a bad situation into a learning opportunity. Your co-worker who made the joke probably deserves the benefit of the doubt; they might not know or understand why what they said was hurtful. Explain that calling something “gay” when they mean “bad” implies that gay IS bad, and how that must make gay folks in the office feel. Let them know that what they may have thought was good-natured teasing can actually be very hurtful to someone; it’s not fair to pick on anyone just because of who they are.
Straight friends have the ability to make a huge difference in situations like these. If you can call your peers out, it makes a powerful statement that gay jokes aren’t just an issue for gay people: they’re an issue for anyone who cares about a gay person. Anything you can do makes your workplace feel that much safer for gay employees, whether they’re out at work or not.
Take Action: “Like” and share this post so all your friends will know what they can do if they ever hear a gay joke at work. Together we can make the world a safer place for our gay friends.
Posted: October 3rd, 2011 | Author: Dinah | No Comments »
With the recent rash of teen suicides as the result of bullying, helping out gay friends has been on a lot of people’s minds. The good news is, there are lots of great organizations, each staffed by dedicated and caring folks, which are giving their all to make the world a better place for all of our gay friends. There are great gay resources out there, and you can help connect the dots.
In this post, we’ll highlight some national organizations you may find useful. Many have local chapters as well; click through below to find resources near you, if that’s what you need. The full list is below the jump – here are a few you may be looking for urgently.
“Trevor” is a fantastic organization that provides gay and trans youth with information, help, and support. If your friend considering hurting themselves or even taking their own life, get them on the line ASAP. Their suicide prevention hotline can be reached at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).
PFLAG has local chapters around the country which run support groups for parents and others who are struggling with the sexuality of a loved one. Want to find one? Just click through. Great for friends who want to be supportive or parents who need a crash course and others to talk to.
- If your friend has experienced discrimination just for being gay, and needs legal advice: Lambda Legal.
This national org works for equal rights throughout the country for gay folks, as well as those with HIV/AIDS. Lambda can hook you up with legal services when you and your friends need them. Gay resources when your friend’s in a bind.
Below the cut: International advocacy, hate crime prevention, trans resources, and more.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: September 22nd, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 2 Comments »
Jamey Rodemeyer, victim of gay teen suicide
We see all too many stories of gay teen suicide cases in the news. This one is particularly horrifying. Jamey Rodemeyer was only 14 years old when he took his own life this week, after being relentlessly bullied for who he was. His story is all the more tragic because his struggle with this issue was so public: he wrote regularly on his blog about other students teasing him for having girls as friends, and even made a video for the It Gets Better Project (you can watch it here).
It feels like once these stories hit the news it’s too late to do anything; a life has been lost to bullying, and there’s no way to bring it back. But a bunch of big players are banding together to fight gay teen suicide. They’re calling it “The Stop Bullying: Speak Up Social Pledge App.” A bit of a mouthful, yes, but also a way to for you to join a movement to prevent more tragedies like losing Jamey:
The Stop Bullying: Speak Up Social Pledge App is an interactive tool that enables educators, parents and teachers to commit to end bullying by signing an online pledge and recruiting others to join them.
Leveraging the resources of [Facebook and Time Warner], the social pledge app will be promoted across multiple platforms, from Facebook to CNN, Cartoon Network, and magazines such as TIME and Sports Illustrated.
The app is meant to be a one-stop resource with practical information about bullying prevention, with recommendations on how to respond in specific situations along with opportunities to share personal experiences, and information from non-profits and government groups involved in the cause. The app also encourages the creation of school-based bullying prevention groups on Facebook.
While the hope is that young people will download the app, the online tool is also targeted at bystanders–those who witness an act of bullying.
(via AllFacebook.com)
Kudos to the celebs and companies who are throwing their efforts into this, and let’s hope it helps. Still, it’s going to take a lot more than a well-branded app to change hearts and minds across the country so kids like Jamey feel accepted. Ending gay teen suicide will take a massive effort from all of us; this could be the start of that effort, truly.
Take Action: “Like” the Facebook page for this app now, and keep an eye on the Friendfactor blog: we’ll keep you updated on this, and other initiatives to prevent gay teen suicide.
Posted: August 31st, 2011 | Author: Dinah | 1 Comment »
Dress codes: the bane of every teenager’s existence. There’s a clear line, though, between making sure midriffs are covered and stifling freedom of speech, which students in this country are still entitled to a certain modicum of. So why would school officials prevent a student from wearing a shirt that appropriately covered all necessary skin? Why, because it was a supportive, pro-gay T-shirt, of course.
Sara Couvillon in her "gay? fine by me." shirt, courtesy of The Birmingham News
The warning comes after a 15-year-old student, Sara Couvillon, was told this month she couldn’t wear a T-shirt that read, “Gay? fine by me.”
According to the SPLC, school officials told Sara they were concerned for her safety, but Sara said she did not experience threats of violence, nor did school officials confirm there had been threats. The teen had routinely worn the T-shirt during the last school year without incident.
SPLC lawyers say students shouldn’t be prevented from expressing acceptance of lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender people.
(The Birmingham News)
The Southern Poverty Law Center has sent a letter to the high school demanding that this censorship end, and threatening a Federal lawsuit if it doesn’t. Schools do have a legitimate interest in controlling clothes that put the wearer in danger — gang colors come to mind — but by Couvillon’s own statement she never felt threatened for sporting the supportive shirt.
Censorship like this serves one purpose, and one purpose only: to perpetuate the culture of fear and malice that keeps gay youth in the closet, or worse. Couvillon deserves a standing ovation for her public statement of support, and with any luck this Alabama school will learn a lesson about tolerance (and keeping the district out of court).
Take Action: Tell us about your public acts of support, large and small — maybe it’s time to buy your own t-shirt and wear it proudly in solidarity!
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