Why not just say “gay”? Your handy guide to decoding LGBT+

Many thanks to awesome Ffriend Will Cheval Jr. for help with this post!

No, “LGBT” isn’t a special Morse Code signal; it’s a way to “simplify” the types of folks included in the gay, or LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi, and trans), community. (With that many letters, could have fooled us too.) But these labels are important to a lot of folks, so it’s worth a little research to understand the answer to the question, “What is LGBT?”

It probably seems a lot simpler to just refer to all our non-hetero friends as “gay” and be done with it. So why are lots of folks insistent on a different, particular term? As your friend navigates their new identity of “not straight,” they’re going to find a lot of different communities, identities, and ideas. It’s going to be hard, and settling on a label they’re comfortable with is a part of figuring out who they are, and sharing it with others.

And now, the terms: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, and Ally.

• Gay is the typically used term to identify both guys and gals who are sexually attracted to someone of the same gender.
• Lesbian, on the other hand, refers only to women who are attracted to other women.
• Bisexual means a person is attracted to both men and women. No, it doesn’t mean your bi friend is constantly involved in torrid 3-ways and orgies, or that they can’t settle down permanently with one dude or lady. Just that they’re attracted to both sexes.
• Transgender (sometimes shortened to Trans) refers to someone who is born a certain gender, but identifies as another. Sometimes a transgender person will take the surgical steps to change their gender to feel more comfortable in the gender they identify as. Other folks will make less invasive lifestyle changes to reflect their true gender.
• Transsexual is a term used by folks who identify completely with the “opposite” gender of their birth. This identity is differentiated by a strong desire to transition, either via hormones or surgery, and completely become the “other” sex in all aspects of life (including legal documents).
• Queer has long been used as an umbrella term for the whole LGBT community, incorporating all “sexual minorities.” The slang use of the term has been controversial, having been used as an anti-gay slur, and of course implying that being gay isn’t normal. More recently, the term has been embraced and reclaimed by many members of the LGBT community as an umbrella term.
• Questioning is a term most often heard around queer youth, who don’t quite know where they fit in the gay alphabet yet. These folks may eventually decide they’re straight, gay, trans, or anything in between.
• Intersex refers to someone who is born with physical characteristics that don’t fit neatly into the boxes of “male” and “female.” Unlike many of the terms above, “intersex” refers specifically to a person’s body, which exhibits some mixture of male and female traits, most often “ambiguous genitalia.”
• Asexual means a person is not interested in sex. Asexual people may or may not identify with another sexual orientation; for example, they might be romantically interested in people of the opposite gender. They just don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone.
• Ally is a term worth knowing, since it may well apply to you! Allies are straight folks who make a point of supporting the gay community or their gay and trans friends. You don’t have to adopt the term yourself, of course, but it may be useful in finding groups of like-minded folks who want to help gay friends get free.

If you’ve read this far, you’re clearly committed to learning and understanding the world your gay friends live in, and that is awesome. If you’re in doubt about what words to use with someone, asking your friends about their preferred terms is not only ok but super respectful. As always, it’s better to say something than nothing, even when you’re not sure exactly the right way to voice support for gay friends. Once they know you want to help, they’ll fill you in on the particulars.

Take Action: “Like” this post so more friends can get a primer on gay terminology and find out, “What is LGBT?” This kind of learning is a great way to show you care about your gay friends’ lives.